As the stone was removed from behind the front wheel, we rolled gently backwards while the driver attempted to fire the ignition, and, only one hour since I boarded the bus, we were off – to Offa again. Forty miles and two bruised vertebrae later, we were approaching the town when I noticed a sign which read “Fat Jim – livestock feed”. Such was the degree of boredom, I pondered the possibilities:
a) Was Jim fat because he ate his merchandise;
b) Was he fat as a result of living the good life on the back of his livestock feed sales, and therefore;
c) Was he bragging;
d) Was said livestock feed actually named after Fat Jim himself; or
e) Was he just a self-effacing fat guy?
f) Is this an essential nugget of information for the Startship Enterprize Commander from Mr Spock?
I guess we’ll never know.
Barely had I exhausted my thoughts on this, than we passed another sign – “JIMLAD – cabinet maker”. This could only have been improved upon if his first name had actually started with an ‘R’. And I would only have been mildly disappointed if his carpentry skills had not provided him with ample storage for all the gold doubloons acquired from his alternative career. Does anyone know what I’m talking about?
Perhaps Fat Jim and Jimlad are one and the same – the livestock feed sales being a front for the far more rewarding pursuit of highway piracy!
Walking through Offa, I noticed a huge smiling poster – the newly elected politician thanking the voters for having confidence in him. Beneath the picture was the slogan “It’s all about image!” which basically says it all! I thought it was all about policy, commitment, service etc; obviously not!
On the same theme, I saw a shop front sign on Taiwo Road : ‘John Major – expert in handsets and communications’. I thought he had been keeping a low profile in recent years, but I hadn’t realized he was in such dire straits – I thought communication was one of his basic problems anyway!
Finally, I also saw a poster recommending the use of cocoa as a cure for all sorts of ailments
including heartburn, breast cancer, hypertension, migraine, renal failure, memory loss and
… I forget the rest. Apparently only ten cups a day are required! I wonder of you can get
cocoa on the NHS!
That’s it for now – just off to buy some cocoa and take out a few shares in Cadbury’s!